First date

I went on my first date since I met my ex-husband last night. It was strange to be going out with someone else. It was strange to dress up, put on make-up, and get ready for someone to pick me up. It was strange to have someone open car doors for me and let me get in and the lose the door behind me, strange to have someone ask if I wanted popcorn or a drink, strange to have someone even care about it. It's been a long time. Having those little courtesies performed was nice. I had to remind myself to sit in the car and wait for him to open the door for me and it felt odd. My ex never did that for me.

So, what did I think? I'm not sure. It's hard to know. I felt awkward and not natural. I'm not so sure I want to be dating again. I did this once already, I shouldn't be here again. I don't want to be here again. Is he going to call again? Do I even want him to call again? I'm just not sure. I don't know. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, but neither do I want to be in a bad marriage again.